I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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