eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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