sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
