i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
