So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
