they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
