still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
