I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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