And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
