Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
