I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
