i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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