If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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