saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
