We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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