So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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