If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
