Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
