Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
