I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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