Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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