Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
