My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
