Say something about gay babies.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize