I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
