I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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