not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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