My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
