Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
