I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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