Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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