I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
