a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
