Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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