god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
