I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
