why didn't you poke me back
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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