Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
