stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
