that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
