oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
