Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sext me about skeletons
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
