when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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