You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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