is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
