Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
being pregnant is like rehab
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize