so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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