Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
