I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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