Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
