I want to stick my p in your. b.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
