even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
