I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
