now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
