I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
